- The sexual harassment case against Peter Slipper has been thrown out of court. The opposition said this is what you expect when you use the judicial process, rather than the more efficient method of having everything tried through parliament.
- Tony Abbott has made an unexpected stop in Afghanistan. It was a long flight to Europe and he needed to stop for a costume change.
- Channel 7 is to rerun old episodes of the popular Robert Hughes comedy No Dad!
- Indonesian police have intercepted 150 asylum seekers near a Java Beach. Witnesses earlier tried to call police on their iPhones, but found that Apple products don’t work with Java.
- The Pope has started sending tweets after he heard the Sacred College of Cardinals will be choosing future Popes based on their Klout score.
December 13th, 2012 · News
December 7th, 2012 · News
- Kate Middleton is pregnant. Dodi Al Fayed has said he is the father. Kate’s been warned not to go to Paris.
- The announcement was made to the press in the usual way. In a phone message left on Prince William’s phone.
- The Royal birth will be choreographed by Danny Boyle and narrated by Kenneth Branagh.
- Whilst America is worried about the fiscal cliff, Britain is concerned about the pelvic floor.
- Kate Middleton said she knows it’s a royal baby because she’s already felt it waving.
- Bert Newton has been released from hospital following a quadruple bypass operation, interspersed with an advertorial for Bamix.
November 22nd, 2012 · News
- Kevin Rudd has offered to visit the Gaza Strip, until he discovered it wasn’t a night club in New York.
- David Beckham has denied coming to Australia to play in the A-league. He gave his denial in G-minor.
- Israel has supported protests against Eurozone austerity measures with a series of strikes.
- Jockey Damien Oliver will not be able to ride for 10 years after charges over betting on a rival horse. He will, however, be able to play the back of a horse in the Christmas pantomime season.
- Amnesty International inspectors say they were appalled by living conditions for asylum seekers, until they realised they weren’t in Nauru; they had accidentally turned up at Schoolies Week on the Gold Coast.
November 14th, 2012 · News
- The anti-virus software John McAfee could face years in gaol it he is found guilty of murder. What’s more no one will be able to get in to see him and everything in the building will slow to a crawl.
- This week is Telework week. Sad news for the Channel 10 breakfast crew who won’t have any tele work after Christmas.
- Following betting irregularities Jockey Damien Oliver has been stood down. Then he was asked to stand up again so the tribunal could see him.
- Australians have been urged to eat local foods. For most people that will mean living entirely on the McDonalds round the corner or the Chinese over the way.
- The US is to build a massive radar facility in Australia after it became clear that maps on the new iPhone just weren’t good enough.
November 8th, 2012 · News
- Some US states have approved gay marriage as well as marriage equality – which means a Mormon man must marry an equal number of men and women.
- Re-elected President Barack Obama said he is delighted to win another four years in office because it’s so difficult finding a job in America right now.
- For a while in the US election the votes were neck and redneck.
- Donald Trump has demanded a recount, of his money.
- Romney said he will be considering his future, including which celebrity reality show to do first.
- There were celebrations across America, and in Obama’s home town of Mombasa.