A Bit Of The Other

Kyle Sandilands will be strapped to a lie detector and asked whether, like everyone else, he thinks he’s a complete twat.
Many older Australians are unemployed, blaming a shortage of jobs for telex operators and rag and bone men.
The US may hasten its exit from Iraq by increasing the speed limit on the approach roads to [...]

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To reduce the volume of asylum seekers a new migration test will ask questions on Kevin Rudd’s 6,100 word essay on the economic crisis. At least four boats off Christmas Island are said to have turned back.
A visit by Kevin Rudd has had a miraculous impact on patients at Sydney’s Royal North Shore, with many [...]

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Malcolm Turnbull has argued for an end to broadband in regional Australia in an effort to stop Wilson Tuckey getting access to his email account.
The RSPCA has visited Waratah Park Earth Sanctuary after skippy escaped, found an inspector and said “ttt ttt ttt”, which the inspector took to mean “you’d better come quick, there’s some [...]

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32 people have now died from swine flu. It would have been much lower if the police hadn’t been using tazer guns to get those with infections off the streets.
The biggest ever Lamington has been made in Queensland. A spokesperson for the Guiness Book of Records said “yeh, whatever”.
The government is making arrangements to bring [...]

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Following the success of Masterchef, a spate of reality cooking shows is expected, including Channel Nine’s Porkbelly, So You Think You Can Deep Fry, Australia’s Next Top Moussaka, Dumplings with the Stars, and so on.
McDonalds has announced they will open a new branch at Mount solitary to cater for the lost pommy backpacker market.
If the [...]

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The missing British backpacker has been found in the Blue Mountains. He was gaunt and filthy, having not washed for two months – even though he only disappeared 12 days ago.
Another backpacker has got lost in the car park at the Macquarie Shopping Centre. Rescue teams have said the chances of finding him are very [...]

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Peter Garrett has denied hypocrisy over approving a uranium mine in South Australia. Asked whether it went against the lyrics of Midnight Oil he said he could never decipher what he was singing.
The Australian cricket team has accused the English of time wasting when they ordered twice cooked aged-beef, made to order, during the lunch [...]

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Detained oil executive Stern Hu has been added to the prestigious “Who’s Hu”, a vast Chinese publication of all famous Hus, including the President. He has also been featured on the cover of Hu magazine.
Researchers in England have discovered that swearing can raise the blood pressure and alleviate pain. They tested the theory by sticking [...]

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Queensland police can now tap phones according to new legislation passed today. The Queensland Police Chief said “I’ll be over soon, put on that latex outfit I like”.
Astronomers have identified a huge supernova – a giant star that was ripped apart 11 billion years ago. They failed to get much press coverage with editors saying [...]

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Actor Jamie Waylett, who played the schoolboy bully in the Harry Potter films, has been charged with growing cannabis. He said he was researching for the next movie “Harry Potter and the Stoned Philosopher”.
Four economists are suggesting that the government run a Peoples Bank out of Australia Post offices. They believe it will encourage saving [...]

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