Biggest Ash Cloud Since Brando’s Cremation

(16 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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A Chilean volcano has created one of the biggest ash clouds since Marlon Brando’s cremation.
Nicola Roxon said she invited tobacco chiefs to a fundraising dinner by mistake. She asked, to avoid identification, if they could wear plain brown paper packaging over their heads.
CEOs are sleeping out tonight to support the plight of homeless people – like Eddie Groves.
Masterchef contestant Mat Beyer has been kicked off the show for obtaining recipes on his smartphone. Judges became suspicious when he presented Angry Bird Casserole.
Australia is demanding cattle in Indonesia are not detained for lengthy periods without processing after a Four Corners investigation found several cattle on the roof protesting.
The government is to dump nuclear waste near Tennant Creek. They’ve said if there is too much local opposition they may agree to put it in a container and stick it underground.
Scientists have created the densest material ever observed, pushing Pauline Hanson to second place.

A woman, Christine Lagarde, is to head the IMF – a move welcomed by the US Association of Lesbian Hotel Maids.
Bill Gates is to lead a campaign to vaccinate children in poorer nations. The injection isolates the gene that makes people want to buy an iPad.
Apple users have found data corrupted after their documents were inadvertantly stored in an iAshCloud.
Julia Gillard is refusing to meet the Dalai Lama, but only because she thought he was a stuffed toy.
NASA is sending the first iPhones into space next month. They want to see if Vodafone coverage is any better out there.
Researchers say a nasal spray could help prevent diabetes. The only side effect of this nasal delivery technology is a permanent erection.
A lesbian Syrian blogger has been found to be a middle aged American man. In related news it has been revealed that Ruby Rose is actually Kerry O’Brien in drag.
Police have arrested 17 people on the Gold Coast for Prostitution. Now they’re out looking for people practising witchcraft and will be stoning people for begging.
Prince Philip turned 90 and announced his memory is going. Soon the responsibility for going round insulting people will rest entirely with Princess Anne.
A court case collapsed in Britain after a juror and defendant communicated on Facebook. Both will be forced to do community service at Farmville.