Berlusconi hits the bottom – Julia Gillard’s bottom.

November 17th, 2011 · No Comments · News

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Australia has offered to help Europe get out of debt whilst Silvio Berlusconi just wants Julia Gillard to get out of her trousers.
Barack Obama will give an address to Australian parliament today. Julia Gillard asked him if he had Berlusconi’s address.
Berlusconi has stepped down as Italian Prime Minister to spend more time with his children and their respective mothers.
Mario Monti has formed a new government in Italy to tackle the debt crisis. The new government will save a fortune by removing the cost of elections and other aspects associated with democracy.
Monti said his role is to get the country out of debt through austerity measures and territorial expansionism – oh shit, did I say that out loud?
Italy’s borrowing costs are now charged 7 percent interest. Amex has offered 5 percent for six months with frequent flyer points thrown in.
Monti said the debt issue is worsened by pre-commitments to future Bunga Bunga parties.

Julia Gillard is disturbed by an upturn in the opinion polls. She said today, “Don’t worry exporting uranium to India and stationing US troops in Darwin will fix that.”
Australia is also to sell extra uranium to the UK, so they can build warheads to protect the Oympic Village.
Barack Obama wants to station troops in Australia. He says he’s played Risk and Australia is always the best place to start.
Australians think the US will be here for training purposes. In the US they’re billing it as an invasion.
The troops will train in the outback camouflaged in kangaroo suits left over from the 1996 Olympics closing ceremony.
Under the agreement carpet bombing will be restricted to the outer suburbs of Darwin, and only on Sunday afternoons.
Obama says he welcomes a rising peaceful China, but said they must play by the rules of the road. He wants them to get massively into debt and let the banks call all the shots.
NASA is advertising for new astronauts. Because of cutbacks you must bring your own suit.
The astronauts will man a space mission to send unemployed people to the Moon, possibly Mars.
NASA says a moon mission will be exciting because we’ve never been there before – “oh shit, did we say that out loud”
The press have said there is no need for regulation to control media bias. They don’t need regulation to make them biased.
A Japanese company has come up with an iPhone Geiger counter. It’s found radiation in Fukushima is almost as dangerous as using your iPhone.
Research shows that older men are being unnecessarily tested for prostate cancer. But they enjoy it anyway.
Tiger Airways has been given clearance to fly more routes – just so long as it doesn’t fly over houses.
Occupy Wall Street protestors have been moved on, whilst in Australian the Occupy Your Own Front Room protest continues unabated, and unnoticed.
The Socceroos beat Thailand 1-0 in the World Cup qualifiers. The Thai team was dressed in red shirts and set light to upturned vehicles in their half, but Australia still managed to get through.
Tony Abbott made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. Infidels decided not to shoot at him as he took a bike ride, assuming he could do more damage to the west if he was allowed to go home and get elected.
Abbott was disappointed to discover that the troops didn’t wear hard hats, wear yellow jackets, drive big diggers or fillet fish. There were virtually no photo opportunities. “What a bloody waste of time,” he said.
The Boeing 787 Dreamliner landed in Sydney. The new aircraft saves on fuel costs by having passengers put money in slots in their arm rest.
The Boeing 787 is much quieter than other airliners because children aren’t allowed on board.
Australians are falling behind the rest of the world in education standards. Why this might be, Tony Abbott said “shit happens”, which sort of answers the question doesn’t it!
The Gold Coast will host the 2018 Commonwealth Games. Playing the Pokies will be introduced as a new event.
The Amazon rainforest, Vietnam’s Halong Bay and Argentina’s Iguazu Falls were named among the new seven wonders of the world. Sadly Movieworld on the Goldcoast didn’t make it to the short list.