(10 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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- In the federal budget 1,000 staff will be cut from the Defence force. They’ll be sent to Afghanistan without a bulletproof vest.
- Billions will be cut from the budget by taking Craig Thomson’s credit card off him.
- Extra money will be made turning Senator Conroy’s Internet filter into a paywall. You pay the government to access porn.
- The weather bureau is to trial online advertising. They said it will be a relief to have something on the website less believable than their forecasts.
- Ageing surgeons are to undergo health checks. At the Royal North Shore hospital they’ll be asked to recall which corridor they left their patient in waiting for a bed.
- A 1,100 page report has found 150 breaches of HSU rules by Craig Thomson. The report was funded by classified advertising for massage parlours on the last 20 pages.
- After socialist Francoise Hollande won the French presidency left wing voters celebrated all night, then then got the rich people to pick up the tab.
- Facebook is being used for people to register as organ donors. Or you can sell your organs to the highest bidder on eBay.
- Vogue magazine says it will no longer feature skinny, underage models. Instead they’ll use photoshop to make them look like skinny, underage models.
- New Zealand is to offer free contraception to women on welfare. The Australian government is to consider a similar offer for anyone who comes into contact with Craig Thomson.
- Researchers believe global warming millions of years ago was caused by dinosaurs farting too much methane. To avoid history repeating itself the dinner menu has been changed at the Sydney Institute.
- Another Al Qaeda underpants plot has been foiled by the CIA. They could see the dynamite sticking out through the bum crack. The terrorist organisation is rumoured to now be working on an explosive codpiece.
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1 response so far ↓
1 Val // May 10, 2012 at 4:11 pm
Another brilliant bitoftheother! I needed it after realising the ALP will keep their sticky fingers in my dwindling superannuation until only a humble crust is left. (Monsieur Hollande however, François Gérard Georges Hollande to be more precise, would probably not be “tres amusé” to read you made him a Madame, which is what he becomes if you add an “e” after his first name.