A Bit Of The Other

(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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• Saudi Arabia is to allow women to compete in the Olympics for the first time ever. Saudi women make great runners, because they’re not allowed to drive.
• A German court has banned circumcisions, worried about inexperienced operators. Some low cost clinics are a snip at $10 each.
• Yet another boat has been intercepted off Christmas Island – the third this week. Given the regularity of the arrivals, the smugglers will be detained before being offered jobs with State Rail.
• Gina Rinehart says she has ordered another two boatloads of low-cost refugees for later this week.
• There are no Australians left at Wimbledon. Next year Jeffrey Robinson is to play, because he always seems to win in court.
• Egyptians have voted in a landmark poll. They all voted for the Pyramids.
• In Canberra, neither side is winning in the asylum debate. It’s the parliamentary equivalent of a Euro soccer match.
• In a six hour emotional debate in Parliament both sides of the house agreed to send Rob Oakeshott to Nauru for processing.
• U2 singer Bono is said to love America so much he is willing to spell “colour” with or without u.
• London is making its final preparations for the Olympics. It’s collectively got out of bed and signed up for the sports package on SkyPlus.
• Stephen Hawking is writing a follow-up to “A brief History of Time”. It’s about time too.
• NSW teachers have gone on strike, ignoring a request from the industrial tribunal that if they don’t show they must bring a note from their mother.
• The Spice Girls tried to stage a reunion concert , but some of their fans had moved house and couldn’t be contacted.
• News Limited has announced major cost cutting measures. While they’ll continue to print on the right hand pages, they won’t print anything to the left.
• Clive Palmer has applied to build a nickel plant near Townsville, to help meet US demand for Nickels as part of a quantitative easing program.
• Meanwhile Jenny Craig has approached Clive, offering to help with his own quantitative easing.
• David Cameron is to stop welfare for anyone under 25. He knows that after six months they’ll be too weak to vote him out.
• Wayne Swan has cut back Australia’s foreign aid program after discovering much of it was being used to put an end to a famine in FarmVille.
• Under new laws Victorian footballers will be banned from having skin markings of any description. Julia Gillard has said there will be no Carlton tatts while she is Prime Minister.
• In Britain comedian Jimmy Carr has been using a complex scheme to withhold tax. Whilst here Jimeoin has been using a much simpler scheme to withhold humour.
• Marvel is set to release a new movie about how a man who changes form when his anger is backed up with facts from documented sources. It’s called The Credible Hulk.