ABC Tries to Kill Sheikh to Prove There is No Left Wing Bias
- Scientists have discovered a tiny particle that confers mass on an object. It refutes earlier work claiming mass was created through too much ice cream, chocolate and doughnuts.
- Under the Higgs Boson theory, on the first day God created a sub-atomic particle, then took the rest of the week off.
- The price of Higgs Boson particles being sold on eBay sky-rocketed when the discovery was made.
- Right wing groups are satisfied that the ABC has fixed bias within the organisation after it started poisoning left wing commentators on Q&A.
- Tony Abbott is said to be concerned that having Clive Palmer in his party will make him look stupid.
- Bob Diamond has left Barclays to focus full time on drug trafficking. He said, that way he can continue dealing without the accountability that seems to have befallen the banking industry.
- In a last swipe at the bank, Bob Diamond charged a £30 administration fee for his resignation letter.
- Indonesian Presidenty Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono flew to Australia this week. He said he had to take the plane because he was running late, missed the boat and there wasn’t another one for 12 hours or so.
- He met with Julia Gillard at the airport Gate because he had ditched his paperwork and customs wouldn’t let him in.
- The ABC celebrated 80 years of broadcasting. In another 80 years they’re to look at getting a new news jingle.
- Former Israeli PM Yitzhak Shamir has died. Israel has earmarked an area for his memorial. It’s the Gaza Strip.
- Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise. She says he just wouldn’t grow up.
- In the divorce papers Tom Cruise has cited Holmes’ lack of penis as one of the reasons for the breakup.
Tags: Bob Diamond·Higgs Boson·Julia Gillard·Katie Holmes·Simon Shgeikh·Tom Cruise·Yitzhak Shamir·Yudhoyno