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Tony Abbott has said his daughter’s virginity is a gift, which means it can only be given away at Christmas or on someone’s birthday.
Three bull sharks have been found in Sydney Harbour. There is a fear that they have come into the harbour with the intention of attacking Indian students.
Australian women will be able to make better choices in men after the government released a controversial ranking table to be published on the My Husband website.
Toyota will recall a mass of vehicles because of faulty accelerator pedals. A spokesman said the cars are fine so long as you drive backwards.
Pedals have also been causing problems with Hyundai cars. A spokesperson said the pedals work fine if you just put the chain back on.
Barack Obama is to create hundreds of jobs employing more people in the treasury to count how big the deficit has become.
Tony Abbott is narrowing the margin on Kevin Rudd in the opinion polls. KRudd is now so desparate he will wear Speedos on his next weekly spot on Sunrise.
Finance Minister Lindsay tanner has admitted some Australians are racist “but it’s mainly the wogs” he said.
Barack Obama is to abandon plans to return manned missions to the moon and instead, will look for other places to keep Guantamo Bay detainees.
More British men are having their man boobs removed because they couldn’t stop playing with them and they were forgetting to go out to work.
A survey has shown that three quarters of British children believe in extra-terrestrials, although its possible they are confusing them with the French.
Channel 10’s “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” has been deemed too high brow. Instead “Are You Smarter Than a Channel 10 Newsreader?” will present an easier challenge for contenders later this year.
AC DC won their first Grammy, even though most awards went to rap and hip hpop bands. A spokesperson said it was given in error because they meant to give it to a rapper called MC-DC.
DNA testing on Tutankhamun has shown that the Egyptian pharaoh is Bert Newton’s father.
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