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Julia Gillard wants to control the size of Australia’s population. She’s going to reinstate Jayant Patel’s licence to practise surgery.
Newsagents in NSW must hide cigarettes from view from today. If someone really wants a packet they must ask for it. If successful the ban could be extended to include the Daily Telegraph.
Julia Gillard says there is no God. She believes there was a higher being but said “I just got rid of him”.
Australia is accused of bribing bid officials for the 2022 world cup by slipping gifts to them, although a FIFA referee said he didn’t see anything and asked them to play on.
There is to be a revamped version of Masterchef to appeal to Channel 7 viewers. In it overweight families compete to order-in the most filling takeaway food.
Roger Federer crashed out of Wimbledon after a formidable opponent in the quarter finals. It was Germany.
The International Cricket Council has rejected an application for John Howard to be its next vice-president on the basis that even he wasn’t boring enough. There’s a strong chance evidence will be found to support an appeal.
Tony Abbott has unveiled a $1.5b mental health plan. Psychologists say it’ll cost more than that to sort him out.
Julia Gillard has had top secret talks with mining bosses – so secret she forgot to tell them about it.
Swimmers braved the waters at the Bondi Icebergs yesterday,on the coldest June morning for 61 years. One swimmer complained about a cold snap, but surgeons are hopeful of sewing it back on.
There was a 24 hour protest in Greece against government austerity measures. Riot police were sent in and managed to pick up $2,000 from the pockets of the protestors.
New research shows the world could run out of oil within 50 years – 100 years if BP manages to fix its spill.
The US is considering blowing up the BP rig gushing oil into the Gulf of Mexico, ideally with Tony Hayward on it.
European bankers will have a cap placed on their salaries. Bankers say it’s unlikely to work because the cap is going to placed there by BP.
Julia Howard is to counter opposition to migrants by asking them all to stay indoors where they can’t be seen.
Athletes who drink a lot of coffee improve their performance by as much as six percent according to Scientists, except during the marathon, when they stop for a cappuccino and a chocolate croissant.
Rove McManus is to leave Australia to pursue a career on US daytime TV. Julia Gillard is to talk with Obama to see if they can also take Eddie MacGuire.
The Labor party is to change Prime Minister once a fortnight. Nothing to do with opinion polls, they just all want to get hold of the super benefits.
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