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Jackie O has been told she is not pregnant after all. Experts say the morning sickness was felt by anyone who listened to Kyle Sandilands.
Meanwhile Kyle has split from his wife. Marriage counsellors put it down to him being a bit of a git.
Roman Polanski will not be extradited by Switzerland, a country he visited to stock up on chocolate and other kiddies treats.
Julia Gillard described Bob Hawke as her role model this week, before sculling a yard of ale, having an affair with Blanche d’Apulget and saying she was off to fix up the pilots’ strike.
Facebook has installed a panic button on its site, and has urged children to use it if ever they are contacted by an aged film director living in Switzerland.
Julia Gillard has been told a tax deduction on school uniforms is not enticing enough for voters, so she’s going to add an half price dry cleaning voucher, that will be printed on the back of the How to Vote brochure at the election.
Australia’s high commissioner to Fiji has now been asked to leave by Commodore Banarama. This follows an earlier restriction on the use of watersports and the removal of the inclusion of an all-you-can-eat breakfast.
Scientists have discovered that the brain can automatically rewire itself after an injury. Research has shown this approach is at least ten times safer than rewiring the brain using Jayant Patel and a soldering iron.
BP has successfully placed a new cap on the Gulf of Mexico oil leak. This time the cap was be fitted by a trained gynaecologist.
Latest polls show Labor ahead in the opinion polls, mainly for the sadistic fascination of seeing Julia Gillard dumped by her own party a couple of years down the track.
The Octopus who predicted the winner of the World Cup could have psychic powers that enabled him to see into the future, as distinct from World Cup referees who can’t see a goal even if its scored 20 meters in front of them.
The French parliament has voted for a ban on veils. They managed to slip into the legislation knee-high rainbow socks, bum bags and leggings for people over a certain weight.
The animal rights group PETA says Paul the psychic octopus should be released. The Dutch world cup team agree, suggesting it should be allowed to choose its own future, as sushi or takoyaki.
A European spacecraft took photos during a fly-by of a massive asteroid. The bad news is the asteroid could hit the earth somewhere west of Perth. Worst still, the photos show at least 100 asylum seekers are on board.
PNG is being considered as a centre for processing asylum seekers. The government there said they have a food processing plant that could easily be adapted for the purpose.
The YMCA is to be renamed The Y, ruining the song by the Village People, who will now update it to sing “It’s Fun To Eat At The KFC Eh?
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