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The Prime Minister has admitted she is considering a Pacific solution to the question of where to put all the redundant Telstra middle managers.
Quaint old fashioned language is to be edited out of all Enid Blyton’s books. People who want to hear quaint old fashioned language can still listen in to Radio National.
Julia Gillard has denied that she said there was no point in increasing pensions because old people never vote Labor, adding “even if I had said it they probably wouldn’t have been able to hear anyway”.
Tony Hayward is to resign from BP to be replaced by someone more popular with American people. Jennifer Lopez is expected to get the gig.
A yacht made out of plastic bottles arrived in Sydney this week. It will now sail to South Australia where the owner will get 5 cents back on each bottle.
Pacnet is to build a new internet cable to American. It will add extra capacity, but all traffic will travel via New Zealand which means some vowels might be affected in trunsut.
More Australians are eating out. Thanks to the economy most are eating out of newspapers, sitting on park benches.
London has announced there are just two years to go to the Olympic games. Anyone wanting a parking spot is advised to set off now.
The worm has shown that men prefer Abbott, women like Gillard and the cats prefer Julie Bishop.
Oprah has given the Duchess of York her own prime time TV show after she promised she could get Prince Andrew on for fifty grand.
Julia Gillard has promised $277 million in suicide prevention if Labor wins the next election. A bigger figure will be needed if Tony Abbott wins the next election.
Belinda Neal is to stand for election as the only member of the “Don’t You Know Who I Am Party”.
The Sex Party is to do a deal with the Greens. Basically it means if you vote for the Greens, you’re f***d.
Telstra has been fined $18.5 million for locking competitors out of telephone exchanges. In future the telco intends to lock competitors inside their telephone exchanges.
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