A Bit Of The Other

It’s an ugly sight. Local people are confused and bewildered, not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. Wherever you look there is utter devastation. The streets are littered with piles of rubble and people cower in their apartments wondering if their block will be next to collapse. But the developers of the Lane Cove Tunnel say the Warringah Freeway should be back to normal by Christmas.

Meanwhile, massive destruction continues in Lebanon. Condoleeza Rice has failed to negotiate a permanent ceasefire with Israel, but they have agreed to 4 minute stoppages at 10 past, half past and 10 to the hour, as requested for commercial breaks by Murdoch’s Fox News network.

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Alexander Downer has said the situation is worsening all the time and Australia should be prepared for more casualties.

Speaking for the first time about Channel Nine’s “Dancing on Ice” the Foreign Minister has said that plans are being progressed to evacuate the remaining contestants, who are yet to be cut to shreds, sever a tendon or lose a limb.

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Israeli police and soldiers are trying to locate those responsible for the Hezbollah’s capture of 2 soldiers. They describe the men they are looking for as being “of middle eastern appearance”.

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The suicide of three Guantanmo Bay prisoners has been declared a “good PR exercise” by Colleen Grafy, the US Deputy Asssistant Secretary of State. She points to earlier PR attempts by the prisoners, including a series of press releases, a cocktail function and advertising on shopper dockets.

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In the latest bungle by the Defence department, troops destined for East Timor have inadvertently been sent to East Lindfield on Sydney’s North Shore. The 1,300 troops are cracking down on jaywalking offenses along Allambie Avenue while the paperwork is sorted out for their transfer to Dili.

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Following the news that the UK’s Deputy Prime Minister has been involved in a steamy sexual relationship, there have been revelations that Australia’s Alexander Downer has been having sex with himself. The Foreign Secretary would often book hotels, sometimes in overseas locations, where he would seduce himself into bed, often staying over until the following morning.

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In face of increasing evidence from the Cole Enquiry suggesting that he knew about AWB kickbacks to Iraq, the Foreign Affairs Minister now denies all knowledge of being Alexander Downer.

He admits that it appears that Alexander Downer could be in trouble, but he says if he is Alexander Downer he doesn’t recall being told as much. Rallying to his defence, the Prime Minister has added it is now up to the Cole Enquiry to prove that Alexander Downer really exists.

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