A Bit Of The Other

Beaconsfield Miners Todd Russell and Brant Webb have said they were ready to cut off their own legs to escape the five hour interview with Tracy Grimshaw. This news in the same week that another gold-digger, Heather Mills, hacked off a leg to escape a continuing marriage to Paul McCartney.

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David Hicks is to be sent from Guantanamo Bay to solitary confinement in Beaconsfield Mine in a special deal with the US government. The pressure is on to remove all prisoners from Camp X-Ray and return it to its former use as a Club Med resort.

Beaconsfield Mine is likely to remain closed, despite high demand for gold for the Beijing Olympics and to pay Eddie MacGuire’s salary.

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The latest new trend for weight loss is to sit in a dark hole for a week with a close friend, with only a museli bar between you. The Beaconsfield Diet is expected out in paperback soon and could be a smash hit in the bookshops. It is likely to surpass the CSIRO diet which recommended eating at least one cow a week, supplemented by a vat of chocolate.

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Two senior ministers have been found alive in the Beazley cabinet, despite a long period in cramped conditions, without access to any new ideas. The Ministers have been hidden beneath 120 tonnes of labour leader.

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