A Bit Of The Other

Westpac said there was a slight delay in putting up interest rates after the RBA announcement because Gail Kelly was in the bathroom at the time. “We could have been five minutes quicker” a spokesperson said.
Tony Abbott was told that according to polls he was showing a little ahead. He was embarrassed and quickly stuck [...]

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Pauline Hanson refuses to sell her Queensland property to Muslims even though there has been a lot of interest. Perhaps it’s the large living space that faces Mecca or the tower from which she piped Aussie folk songs each morning.
Greece is on the verge of bankruptcy. The Prime Minister says all those years of plate [...]

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The Greek Prime Minister appealed to the IMF for money, but owing to a typographic error received artificially fertilized twins instead.
Bert Newton is to present the Logies. No 96 is being touted as the winner of best new TV show.
Stern Hu will be tried in secret. The Chinese government feared making it public might deflect [...]

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Tony Abbott has said his daughter’s virginity is a gift, which means it can only be given away at Christmas or on someone’s birthday.
Three bull sharks have been found in Sydney Harbour. There is a fear that they have come into the harbour with the intention of attacking Indian students.
Australian women will be able to [...]

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E10 petrol, which contains 10% ethanol, is being replaced by T10petrol, which contains 10% petrol and 90% Timor Sea, following the West Atlas Drill Rig leak a month ago.
Users of iSnack 2.0 are complaining that it’s not compatible with iToast 1.4 and you have to download and install a patch before opening the jar.
Developer Ron Medich [...]

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The Australian dollar is at a one year high. It will spend the rest of the week in a rehab facility.
Steve Fielding spoke of his physical stimulus package yesterday. Members of parliament have said that explains the buzzing noise in his trousers.
Five dolphins, two dugongs and dozens of turtles have been found dead in Queensland’s [...]

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Larry Emder stopped smiling for the first time since he was born this week, on learning that Channel 7 were finishing the Wheel of Fortune. The actual wheel has been bought by Channel 9 who will be spinning it each hour to decide which staff member goes next.

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David Hicks is to be sent from Guantanamo Bay to solitary confinement in Beaconsfield Mine in a special deal with the US government. The pressure is on to remove all prisoners from Camp X-Ray and return it to its former use as a Club Med resort.

Beaconsfield Mine is likely to remain closed, despite high demand for gold for the Beijing Olympics and to pay Eddie MacGuire’s salary.

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