A Bit Of The Other

Julia Gillard wants to control the size of Australia’s population. She’s going to reinstate Jayant Patel’s licence to practise surgery.
Newsagents in NSW must hide cigarettes from view from today. If someone really wants a packet they must ask for it. If successful the ban could be extended to include the Daily Telegraph.
Julia Gillard says there [...]

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Australians whose stolen identities were used for travel by Mossad agents are to sue the Israeli government for the frequent flyer points.
The Reserve Bank pushed interest rates up again just because they like saying “basis points”.
Scientists studying nanotechnology have redefined the shortest measurable period of time as that measured between an RBA announcement and the [...]

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A new sex education curriculum has caused outrage because teachers hate knowing less about a subject than their students do.
Excited by the news that Japan plans to start collecting solar power in space and sending it back to earth, Nathan Rees plans to collect water from Mars and transport it back to Sydney as a [...]

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John Howard has welcomed the new season of right-leaning Australian-made television set to hit the screens over the next few weeks.

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Muslims will be forced to wear khaki safari suits and wrestle crocodiles under tough new citizenship regulations. The Prime Minister is denying criticism that the proposed rules are too tough, particularly the requirement to win the $200,000 jackpot on Deal or No Deal, spend 3 months in the Big Brother Household and date Jennifer Hawkins.

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John Howard could be charged with handling stolen goods if he pushes ahead with the sale of Medibank Private – henceforth to be known as Medibank Private Private.

Legal experts are also concerned about the government’s plans to sell Fiji and New Zealand on the basis that these too are not owned by the Australian government. “If Medibank works” the Prime Minister said, “then there are lots of things we can sell”.

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Almost all Australians agree that Muslim migrants should learn English to fit-in, except in Leichhardt, where they should learn Italian.

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Tony Abbott has warned that cloning the late Don Chipp could create more bastards. He believes Natasha Spot-Destroyer is secretly mothering children emplanted with DNA from the Democrat founder, with the aim of producing a new super-race of centre-left politicians.

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John Howard’s dual strategy of detaining asylum seekers in Nauru whilst doing nothing to stop global warming, until rising sea levels wash the whole problem away, could be running into problems.

Several liberal MPs are preparing to cross the floor – two because they are philosophically opposed to the PM’s stance and one because he needs to go to the toilet. Shipping backbenchers overseas is one solution currently being considered.

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Kim Beazley has reversed his opinion on Uranium Mining, but has agreed to keep Labor party members in touch by restricting complete policy reversals to no more than one a day, hoping to offset claims he is making things up as he goes along.

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