A Bit Of The Other

The Prime Minister has admitted she is considering a Pacific solution to the question of where to put all the redundant Telstra middle managers.
Quaint old fashioned language is to be edited out of all Enid Blyton’s books. People who want to hear quaint old fashioned language can still listen in to Radio National.
Julia Gillard has [...]

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John Howard could be charged with handling stolen goods if he pushes ahead with the sale of Medibank Private – henceforth to be known as Medibank Private Private.

Legal experts are also concerned about the government’s plans to sell Fiji and New Zealand on the basis that these too are not owned by the Australian government. “If Medibank works” the Prime Minister said, “then there are lots of things we can sell”.

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Telstra Chief Sol Trujullo has undergone a complex surgical procedure called “fibre to the node”, to help constipation resulting from too many Mexican Cheese Quesadillas. Over recent weeks his nodes have suffered excess buffering and extremely poor latency, but less than a day after the operation Mr Trujillo is reporting a high speed digestive system capable of broad bean consumption.

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Superman has moved to Brokeback Mountain and adopted a gay lifestyle in the latest movie in the superhero series. Hollywood has denied that Superman is gay but Clark Kent’s promotion from mild mannered reporter to editor of The Daily Planet’s Interior Decorators Supplement is seen as a sign.

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US armed forces were searching the maps yesterday after news that crazed dictator Ziggy Switkowski had nuclear aspirations. A leaked CIA report claims that the third world leader had “got rid of” 30,000 of his subjects during his reign of an evil empire called Telstra, but investigators have no knowledge of where they went, where Telstra is, and what happened to his accomplice Ted Pretty.

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